my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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