I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
