Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
