If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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