You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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