Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize