How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
that's an acceptable place to lick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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