Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
