Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone came in the potted fern
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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