Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
