clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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