i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
