He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
