They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
