Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
