No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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