I just threw up on my dentist
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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