She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
