areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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