Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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