How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i will never coherently bang her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
