There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
