i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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