So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
