I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
