I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
