ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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