VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
