I bet he comes in French.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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