I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
