if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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