you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
