Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
