I hate all girls vehemently.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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