is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
