He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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