The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
