I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
