on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
