the condom got lost in my hair
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
