we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
