I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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