i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How's work?
Spinning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
