1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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