You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
where are my eyebrows?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
