You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
