I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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