You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
