who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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