I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
