your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
