Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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