you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
