It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
