remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
