So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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