ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
