I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
